No matter what happens in the future, this happened in the past.

“No matter what happens in the future, this happened in the past.”

That thought entered my head Wednesday afternoon as I snapped these photos of my little guy.

The past few weeks, concern and anxiety have weighed heavily on my heart. I’ve found myself anxious about work, about the immense time I spend away from Zavier every day now that I’m back to teaching full time, about finances, about the future, and even about mortality – my own and that of those I love – as news of the death of a high school friend {a 28-year-old wife and mother, just like me} hit me hard this week.

So I’ve found myself feeling pretty anxious about what the future holds.

But yesterday, the anxiety in my heart melted away as I roamed a little pumpkin farm with my favorite little person on the planet.

I ended up with an unexpected, but very welcome, day off from work and was *so* excited to have a whole day with Zavier. Since he walks around singing “E-I-E-I-Ohhhhhh!” {Old McDonald Had a Farm} almost constantly these days, I took him back to the pumpkin farm – and as I watched him smile and laugh and play, I felt a deep peace wash over me. I realized {or rather, was reminded} that while it’s a little scary that the future is uncertain, and that I can’t do anything about it, what I can do is enjoy the sweetness and beauty of the present. No matter what the future brings, the past has already brought me amazing moments like this one – and thanks to cameras and this little blog of mine, I get to dwell on the beauty of them rather than the uncertainty of the future.

It seems like every day I have a new reason to be grateful for Zavier. Today, it’s because he quieted the fear in my heart and turned it into sweet, perfect peace. He – and the gift of motherhood – has been such a blessing to me.